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Get Out Your Laptop, Open A Vein.

Apr29

So, what does it mean?  It means that at times I wear my heart on my sleeve.  At times I feel so strongly about things I can’t even bring myself to write about them.  When I do finally get up the courage to write about said topics, I feel as though I’m bleeding across the page, the computer screen, so to speak.  At the same time, I need an outlet for my feelings on these subjects, as difficult as it may be.  I need to express myself. By now you may be asking yourself what topics I am referring to above.  They include, but are not limited to:

Infertility – You’d think I’d have it all figured out by now – after 20 years.  I found out about my infertility when I was 10 years old and still playing with dolls.  I’ve always wanted to be a Mom first and foremost.  To my parents’ credit, they were pretty much forced to tell me at that point.  I greatly respect the fact that they knew they had to tell me the truth.  Just when I think I’ve dealt with it and accepted all that it means, it comes flooding back into my life in unexpected ways.  I start back at square one.  I want to write a series about my personal experiences so other young women won’t make the same mistakes I made or feel alone.  I’m just not there yet.  I wish we would actually discuss infertility in relation to Turner Syndrome, but it seems almost taboo, or at least it was when I was growing up.  It angers me.  We need to treat infertility as a disease, not fertility or short stature.

Motherhood – There are a whole separate set issues surrounding Motherhood I’d love to address here.  Biology alone does not make you a Mom.

I may not be a mother – but I’m still a person | Life and style | The Guardian

Sexuality and Turner Syndrome – I’ve tried to discuss these issues in the past here, but there is so much left unsaid.  Again, I don’t want young women with Turner Syndrome – or similar issues – to feel alone.  It doesn’t help that the medical profession doesn’t always get it right or that there is still so much wrong information out there.

Turner Syndrome and Sex | Ramblings of a Misguided Blonde

Reproductive Rights – The entire conversation around reproductive rights going on today absolutely disgust me.  While we shouldn’t be telling anyone what to do with their bodies, there are boundaries and we as a society need to support families – Moms, Dads, and kids.  Why can’t we respect each other and face the fact that not everyone can create a family easily?

Marriage – To marry or not to marry, that is the question.  I haven’t answered that just yet.  I love the idea of marrying Brian.  I just don’t like all of the questions and nosiness that comes with it.  And then there is religion…

Why Do You Ask? | Ramblings of a Misguided Blonde

Religion – I have so many issues with organized religion that I’m unsure of exactly what I believe anymore.  The entire situation surrounding the conversation on reproductive rights has done nothing to resolve anything.  It has only served to portray the Catholic Church in a harsh light.  How am I supposed to support any organized religion when they appear so unsympathetic to anyone who doesn’t fit the mold?  The article below is a perfect example.

Pope Says Couples Who Conceive Through In-Vitro Fertilization Are Guilty Of Arrogance | RH Reality Check

Related articles

Of Jane And Elizabeth, Helen And Bridget

Jan22

Sometimes there are characters that stay with you to the point of distraction.  Currently I am rereading Pride and Prejudice.  I’m reading it again as a prelude to Death Comes to Pemberley by P.D. James.  Don’t ask me why other than to say it has been over a decade since I last read Pride and Prejudice.

There is something I can identify with in the character of Elizabeth Bennet.  She isn’t considered the beauty among her sisters, but she is the one with an intellectual spark so underappreciated in women during the Regency period.  I love the fact that Elizabeth doesn’t easily fall for Mr. Darcy.  She holds out for more than just a comfortable marriage, she holds out for true love.  She isn’t willing to sacrifice herself, her true sense of self, for any man.  That is a trait to be admired.

I can’t imagine what it was like for Jane Austen to create such a formidable, well-developed female character at that time.  Today it is easy to forget what stringent social norms governed every aspect of a woman’s life.  It would’ve been difficult to be a successful female novelist then, under the best of circumstances, much less while creating strong female protagonists determined to have some say in direction of their own lives.  I admire the strength it must have taken to continue to create something so complex, and beautiful, which many at the time would have perceived as frivolous.

It continues to amaze me just how prevalent Jane Austen’s novels – and anything associated with them – are within modern society.  In fact, there is even a well-established blog dedicated to anything and everything Jane Austen.  It is called AustenBlog.  As the tagline used to say, “She’s everywhere.”  Sometimes you just have to look.

When Bridget Jones’ Diary first came out, I did not know to what extent it is tied to Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.  While I knew Colin Firth portrayed Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy in the 1995 BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice and later played barrister Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones’ Diary, I didn’t realize that Bridget Jones’ Diary is nothing less than an update of major plot points in Pride and Prejudice.  I’m not sure whether or not that was author Helen Fielding’s intention when she created the Bridget Jones character for her series of newspaper articles for the Independent, but the evidence is there.

Just like Elizabeth Bennet, Bridget Jones does not realize Mr. Darcy’s true feelings for her until it is almost too late.  Like Elizabeth Bennet, Bridget feels compelled to marry, despite vastly different social circumstances – and for slightly different reasons.  Both also have the misfortune to have overbearing, but well-meaning, mothers who do not truly understand the inner turmoil experienced by their daughters.

Despite time and social progress, I believe many women still find themselves mirrored in both Elizabeth Bennet and Bridget Jones.  I have yet to figure out exactly what it is except to say that I can identify.  Maybe it is a longing for a sense of belonging within society as a whole, including a desire to create a family of one’s own, all against the backdrop of a screaming biological clock.  Maybe it is the deep-seated desire in every woman to be loved just as she is.  Or it may be the generational divide between mothers and daughters leading daughters to feel completely misunderstood by their own mothers.  Whatever it may be, it is universal.  I’m just glad I get to laugh along with Jane, Elizabeth, Helen, and Bridget.

pride and prejudice

Related articles

More On Life, Love, and Loss

Sep24
Fall-leaves-poconos

Image via Wikipedia

Exquisite and Excruciating | The Anchoress

Posts like this are why I keep reading The Anchoress.  She is absolutely correct, and we forget it all too often today:  Nothing worth doing is easy.  Relationships aren’t easy.  Creating and raising a family isn’t easy.  Marriage and family life aren’t easy.

For whatever reason, I really needed to read this now.  The post speaks for itself.

This Is Where I Plan to Get Married, Eventually!

Dec29
This church is just a couple of blocks from where I am currently living. Brian and his family have been members since his ancestors came from Poland in the late 19th century. It is just beautiful.

St. Stanislaus Catholic Church
Twin spires, ornate detail lend magnificence to St. Stanislaus

Lindsey

The Sensitive In-Law Post – Religion

Apr13

I just want to reiterate what I stated in my previous post on In-Laws and Politics:

Before I go any further, I just want to say that this is written in good humor. If anyone mentioned here happens to come across this post, I mean no harm. I simply want to share some very personal experiences of mine.

Now that that is out of the way, I can give a little background. As I stated many times here, my little sister is getting married this fall to a wonderful young man named Justin who is a cop with Kalamazoo Public Safety. I was there when they started dating (prior to that, they had been friends for a couple of years), and I couldn’t ask for a better future brother-in-law. That alone speaks volumes for his parents.

Last fall, Erica and Justin purchased a home. As my Grandma was no longer interested in having Thanksgiving, my Mom entertains for Christmas, and Brian and I don’t own a home yet, Erica and Justin had Thanksgiving at their new home. It was then that I met his parents.

While Justin grew up in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, he isn’t a typical Yooper. For those who don’t know, Yooper is a Michigan term for those residing in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula who exhibit certain characteristics. Yoopers tend to be of Scandinavian ancestry (especially Finnish), easily identify with Canadians, etc. Essentially, to be a Yooper is to be a caricature of residents of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan with Finnish ancestry. It just doesn’t apply to Justin.

Justin grew up near the Michigan and Wisconsin border. Northern Wisconsin tends to be very different from extreme Northern Michigan. In fact, Justin’s Mom makes a point of mentioning that she teaches school in Wisconsin, not Michigan. Justin’s Dad is an easy-going retired cop. Justin’s Mom is Jewish, and Justin’s Dad is Christian. That is where the real debate comes in.

While I would describe Justin’s Mom as Jewish, I wouldn’t describe Justin as Jewish (even though my sister does, but that is another story). His Mom, even though she tried to introduce him to aspects of her Jewish faith as a child, never really made it a point for Justin to be raised Jewish per se. However, that is changing as he and my sister are getting married, setting up a home, etc. It appears as though she’s trying to put up a good front for her family as the wedding approaches.

For example, she has tried to give certain Jewish gifts to Justin and my sister. My sister is handling it with good grace; it is Justin and his Dad that get upset. As Justin said, “she hasn’t pulled this on me since I was seven years old.” Again, realize that I’m getting this information from my sister and Justin. According to Justin and his Dad, her desire for Justin and Erica to appear Jewish doesn’t come from any particular religious belief, it comes from wanting to look good in front of her family (the wedding will be held near Erica and Justin’s home). Erica and Justin both stated that they would be more open if it came from true religious or spiritual belief.

One of the biggest points of contention is the actual wedding ceremony. Erica and Justin will be married by one of Justin’s cousins, who is a Methodist minister. Justin’s Mom reportedly asked that no mention of Jesus be made in the ceremony. Justin and Erica are both in agreement that they want Jesus to be mentioned in the ceremony. In fact, from the conversations I had with Erica and Justin, they now want to ensure that Jesus is mentioned prominently in the ceremony. In fact, it was this debate that gave me the idea to write this series of posts. A post on Michelle Malkin’s blog brought the debate to mind. You can read it here. While you’d have to know Justin’s Mom to fully understand the situation, Erica and Justin’s reasoning goes something like this:

If you have such issues with the mention of Christianity, why did you marry a Christian in the first place? It is our wedding vows; why do you feel that you should have this say? If you were so eager to pass along your Jewish faith to Justin, why didn’t you insist when he was a child? If these requests are coming from a place of true religious and spiritual conviction, why does it appear as though you are simply trying to appease your family?

In my opinion, they have some very valid questions. I can also see why Justin’s Mom would want her heritage acknowledged too though. Quite frankly, it appears as though it certainly would have been if it didn’t seem so insincere. Justin’s parents are wonderful people, but I can see where this issue would get tiresome for Erica and Justin.

As an outsider to the situation, the whole thing makes me want to elope. Brian is Catholic and I’m Protestant. We plan on getting married in the Catholic Church, even though my Grandma insists that it wouldn’t be possible. I have a feeling that my Grandma is mistaken, but I have no plans to convert to Catholicism. I don’t expect Brian to “convert” either. In fact, we have incredibly similar religious beliefs (Erica, Justin, Brian, and I all do, despite the varied religious backgrounds, so it would appear). Neither of us have much faith in organized religion. The story above is the exact reason why! Then again, St. Stans Church is beautiful. Brian’s family helped found the church when they immigrated from Poland. The family history, on Brian’s part, associated with St. Stans is a main reason why I’d like to get married there. We’ll see what happens.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus indeed.

Lindsey

PS – I was pleasantly surprised to see that many people believe, as Brian and I do, that having faith and going to Church or Mass every Sunday are two very different things. You can read more about it here.